A woman finds happiness with the help of a doctor
Sneha had what you call a resting bitch face. Her face had a permanent scowl of dissatisfaction written all over it. Whenever her phone rang, a “tch” left her tongue to denote her frustration. Cutting a slim physique, she looked like the models plastered inside saree shops. She was caramel coloured and her coconut oil moisturizer would give her skin a sunny glow. She was particular about which shade of nail paint she wanted every week, making the manicurist apply, remove and reapply a shade till she was fully satisfied with the results. Many knew her as a difficult customer to please but to be pleased nonetheless.
At home, her room had to be in order and exactly how she had left it. Spotless. She was usually unhappy with the way her maid folded clothes. “You need to pick the sides with the stitches and fold them on top of each other. Don’t create unnecessary folds in the middle of the fabric. You lot don’t know how to maintain clothes or what?” she would bark at her maid.
Life always seemed like a disappointment. As if nobody knew what they were doing and Sneha had to bear the brunt of their incompetence. At work, she was known as the tough taskmaster running a tight ship. Her colleagues found her unforgiving but they could never find faults in her work so they kept mum. The upper management didn’t force her to be more flexible or accommodating as long as she was providing results.
She had also outgrown her coterie of girlfriends. She found the conversations vapid as they had nothing to do with growth or achievements. It was the same old neighbourhood aunty gossip every time they met for brunch. This group had four married women and one Sneha, who was yet to find someone good enough. In between talking about the mundane everyday lives, clothes, bags, shoes, cosmetics and jewellery, there would be rare days when her friends discussed sex with their husbands. Sneha would hear intently as she was yet to find a man who could satisfy her and help her experience pleasure. Men had been obviously disappointing in that department.
She would live vicariously through her friends and imagine scenarios in her head where she would finally feel happy with her own sex life. All the men she had dated were, to put it mildly, inadequate. She found out through her various dalliances that men were just not that great at taking instructions. Coupled with her quest for perfection, no man came close. Literally.
She had her first brush of pleasure in the last year of college when she hit it off with Amit, her classmate. The journey from exchanging notes to saliva was pretty quick. She was 21 and held a mild attraction to him. At midnight, they would sneak past the hostel warden into his room on the first floor, where the balcony would open up to trees, shrubs and plants. That’s where they shared their first kiss. Amidst mosquito bites.
One day, they were getting cosy under the sheets and Amit initiated more foreplay. Scared and excited, Sneha let it overcome her little by little. It started with him gently fondling her breasts, squeezing them and hugging her while he kissed her. She was afraid of removing her clothes and being naked lest someone enters their room unannounced. She wanted the kissing the be more prolonged and kept directing Amit about the do’s and don’ts. Amit pretended to not hear anything and kept doing what he felt was right and enjoyable. His hands slowly made their way to her vagina and he kept rubbing his fingers on top of the fabric between her folds. All Sneha could feel was the uncomfortable grazing of her jeans. The harder he rubbed, the more agitated she got. When she knew she had enough, she stood up, ended the foreplay and gave him a tight slap. “Learn how to fucking listen!” she screamed at him and left.
After graduating college, she joined a company in another city as a fresher. While she worked in the advertising and marketing department, Kaushik worked in the sales department. He was another object of fancy for Sneha as she liked how organized he was. His desk was clutter-free, he didn’t drop any food on his clothes and chewed elegantly. He didn’t spit while talking and didn’t seem to have any disgusting habits like biting his nails or smelling like sweat. He was shorter than Sneha by an inch and went bald at a very young age. So, he made up for his shortcomings in other ways.
Both of them would interact pretty regularly because of the nature of their work. They soon hit it off and started going on coffee dates. They graduated to dinner dates till one fine day Sneha was comfortable enough to give this sex experience another chance. She invited him back to her rented apartment after they hopped four cafés in search of Sneha’s perfect truffle risotto. They danced to Affection by the band Cigarettes After Sex. She had some wine to build up liquid courage. They made their way to her bedroom which had a queen-sized bed covered with a white bedsheet that had pink lotus blossoms. They fell on top of each other the leaves fall in autumn. The bed ruffling like dried leaves being crushed under someone’s weight. Kaushik lifted her white crochet and lace top and tried to unclasp her bra hook. He fumbled quite a bit before Sneha just undid it for him, disappointed that he couldn’t even do that much.
He went to town on her breasts as if he had skipped dessert and wanted to make up for it. While Sneha waited for the wave of pleasure to come. It didn’t. He kept kissing her lips, her neck and her back but she still didn’t feel any ecstasy. He kissed and sucked her breasts and she was still at zero. Suddenly, out of nowhere and in a moment of pure passion, he twisted her nipples hard. And it jolted her out of her senses. The pleasure she had hoped for was finally dawning on her and she instructed him to do more of that. The harder he twisted, the crazier she became.
He was on top this entire time but it was time for the pants to come off. He slid to her side and hurriedly unzipped his blue jeans and pulled them down. He took off his white shirt with thin blue stripes. He was wearing a white vest underneath and black boxers. He was mostly hairless with a little bit strewn around his arms, chest and back. Sneha noticed his movements and studied them carefully. He wasn’t a Greek god. Far from it. He was very average looking. She thought she might as well stroke his ever-growing erection and even the scales. But she was not prepared for how she would react when she faced his penis.
When she slid his cock out of his underwear, it sprung up and wobbled. It was at least 8 inches long and packed a solid 2 to 3 inches girth. She was gobsmacked. How was such a tiny person holding such a big dick beneath it all? The sight turned her off completely. This is not how she wanted to lose her virginity. Not that she really cared about it but seeing the brown veined monster peeking at her angrily, she couldn’t stomach the thought of being penetrated by it for her first time. Her entire lower body shrivelled up and shut down. All she could imagine was pain and blood. The aftermath scared her more than the pleasure she could have received.
She let go of his cock and got up to dress. “I don’t feel like doing anything,” she told Kaushik. “I really want to fuck you right now Sneha. Please. Let’s have some fun,” he pleaded. But it was a hard no for the hard-on. “The bathroom is outside the room on the right. You are free to help yourself. Thank you,” she told him in a very clinical and cold manner. She didn’t want him to know it was her first time or communicate how she was feeling. She didn’t want to give him or anybody any explanations or justifications. He was cordial enough to not force the interaction any further. He dressed up, booked a cab and left her with a half-hearted hug.
Their chemistry fizzled out and they stopped seeing each other shortly after. Sneha found a better job opportunity in her native city. She decided to move back and move away from him and the awkwardness. She was back to her own friend circle and the more they discussed sex with their husbands, the angrier she got. Why wasn’t she feeling flushed, happy or satisfied? What was wrong with her? Why wasn’t it clicking?
She tried dating apps and they just made her weary and short-tempered. The numerous failed talking stages, dates and not so comfortable sexual dalliances had left her at wit's end.
Until Raman entered the picture. Raman was a colleague’s brother who came to drop and pick her up at the office each morning. They would sometimes bump into each other and make small talk. One day, when it was raining a lot and he offered to drop her home. Since she lived a bit farther away, he dropped his sister at their house first and her second. They spoke about a lot of things on their way and she felt comfortable in his presence. Raman was a tall and lanky man. Sneha noticed how both of his thighs were stick-thin compared to hers. She would compare them and see how both of his legs made up for her single thigh. His hands were unusual. His fingers were long and bony while his palms were small. His arms were the right amount of muscular that didn’t scream gym bro steroids. He smelled like musk and aftershave. He was easy on the eyes and had a full head of hair. He had these soft looking eyelashes that gave him an aura of kindness.
One day became several days and it became a habit for Raman to drop Sneha home. On a particularly muggy evening, Sneha wanted to take this friendship ahead. She wondered if she could be a third time lucky. She asked him to come over for coffee and he agreed. Both were a little scared of where this was heading but wanted to explore this new romance together. They spoke about their days while Sneha made coffee and spiked it with a little Irish whiskey. They ate some granola oat cookies that she had bought recently from a supermarket. The tension in the air was so thick, Sneha could cut it with her butter knife. She put on a rom-com in the living room and they ordered take-out. They finished eating their meals and Raman offered to help with the dishes. When they were done, he requested to use the washroom. Sneha took this opportunity to wear a negligée and entice him to make a move.
When Raman came out, he was slightly taken aback. “Wow. Uhh.. you look beautiful,” he said lost for words. Sneha could picture him with his eyes popping out and tongue rolling down to the ground. That made her chuckle a little. “Would you like to take this off me?” she asked him, biting her lips. Raman lost all propriety and grabbed her by her ass towards him and planted a big wet kiss on her lips. He hugged her tightly as if to crush her bones. He took her face in both his hands and kissed her everywhere on her face. Slowly and gently making his way to her earlobes, her neck and her breasts. He took her by her hands and made her follow him to the bedroom. He switched on the dim yellow bulbs in the room and made her sit on the bed. He removed all his clothes except his starched white underwear and took off her lavender-coloured net lingerie from her body, leaving only the matching lace underwear for later. He took her chin in his hands and lifted her face to make her look in his eyes. “Are you sure about this?” he asked sincerely. “As sure as I am of the sun rising tomorrow,” she answered.
That’s all the confirmation he needed. She instructed him to sleep in her arms and cuddle with her before they went ahead. He did as he was told. When Sneha told him to twist her nipples, he did that too. He lay on top of her and kissed her as much as he could, loving every inch of her skin. She made her way to his crotch and started rubbing it. She could feel the heat rising from between her legs and wetness sliding off her insides. The smell of his aftershave filled her head. She pulled his cock out and it was the proper size. Not too big, not too small. Not too thick, not too thin. It was just right. But no matter how many dicks she had seen, they failed to arouse any excitement or urges in her. Felt a lot like living life as goldilocks. She found the male anatomy ghastly and grotesque. Unsightly and overhyped. “This organ gives men so much power in the world? This dick?” she told herself. She rubbed and stroked Raman’s penis, making the up and down motion with her hands tightly clasped. The foreskin would slide up and down revealing and covering his tip. He was close to cumming and she instructed him to ejaculate on her tummy, which he did. His cum looked like her morning face cleanser, she thought. A white cloudy liquid with a glue-like consistency. It hardened pretty quick and came off like fish scales.
Although Sneha was in full control of the situation, she still didn’t feel any pleasure she wanted to. Where was the mind-blowing wave and euphoria? Where were the climax and culmination?
Raman wasn’t done and he was going to be ready for another round with a temporary rest. He asked her if he could turn her on in any other way and she said, “you can try going down on me.” Raman did as he was told, yet again. Accommodating Sneha’s difficult demands and patiently hearing her out. He made his way between Sneha’s legs and removed the matching lavender lace underwear to reveal her vulva. He spread her legs and made his way to face it directly. There was a neat line separating her lips which had short pubic hair that had been shaved recently besides a few red bumps and cuts. He licked her wetness in the up and down motion. He sucked on her clitoris at different speeds and alternated with sucking on her labia. Sneha was still not feeling anything. She couldn’t figure out what was even happening down there.
She was desperately waiting for a release that eluded her. “Can you try putting a finger in,” she said. He slid one of his middle fingers inside and started fingering her. “I don’t feel anything, is it in yet?” she said. “It is, you can’t feel anything?” he asked, with a tinge of sadness. She said no. He asked if she wanted to take it ahead and Sneha just went ahead with the suggestion because what could go wrong? She would soon find out. Raman stood up and took out his brown latex condom packet from his pants and tore it. He put it on his erection and spread Sneha’s legs. He tried entering her but she screamed in agony. “Stop. Stop. Stop. You’re hurting me. It is painful,” she said. Frustrated now as to why it just wasn’t working, she decided to try another position, this time her being on top, and controlling the movement. She took his condom covered cock in her hands and tried to insert it while she was seated on top. It still hurt and his penis couldn’t even get past the inner folds of the labia.
“This is not working,” Sneha said on the verge of tears. She had tried everything and it was still not happening. Why wasn’t she sufficiently aroused or in the mental space to experience sex? How many more men would she have to reject like this. How many more men would have to suffer because of her instructions and demands? She had no answers, only a trail of frustrated boners behind her.
She slid next to him on the bed and rested her body. Raman jerked himself off while she watched and kissed him. After he was done, he apologized for the situation, got dressed and went home, never to bump into Sneha again. All those long drives came to a grinding halt and so did Sneha’s patience. These experiences just made her bitter and angry. She even consulted a gynaecologist to understand if something was wrong with her but there wasn’t. Her organs were completely fine and the plumbing worked. So why was this critical human emotion eluding her?
One day at brunch, she discussed her dating failures with her married friends. They heard her out patiently but didn’t offer any tangible solutions. “Don’t think too much. Just bear the pain,” one would say. The other would offer supernatural solutions like casting spells. One even suggested hiring a male sex worker if things were not improving. Sneha just looked at them with awe and surprise. These solutions were not in alignment with who she was. There was no way in hell she was casting spells or hiring a whore, with all due respect.
Sex wasn’t supposed to be painful. It was supposed to be a fun activity two people enjoyed. She had read so much about how powerful female orgasms were and it felt like the one thing in life she didn’t have control over. She wasn’t a desperate or horny girl that slept with anybody. She took her time to understand if a man was worthy enough to be in her presence and she wanted someone to lift her out of her misery. She kept looking for the right man, who would give her everything she wanted in bed. But she was looking in all the wrong places.
“Can you order one of those doctor chappals for me?” Sneha’s diabetic mother called and asked her one day. With her parents transferred to another city and she being the only child, all these small mundane responsibilities fell on her. She would routinely order crockery items, smartphones and sometimes even socks to be sent over to her parents. She bought these items online and when she opened her app again for these doctor chappals, she clicked on a tab that said Dr. Physio. She had accidentally opened the massage section instead of the medicated footwear section. But what she saw intrigued her. There it was… a medium-sized black vibrating massager with 8 different speed and vibration settings. It had almost 4.7 stars with glowing reviews.
It was as if Sneha had stumbled upon a diamond in the rough. She read the reviews and they confirmed her thoughts. It was a glorified sex toy after all. A review read, “I used it on my wife and she has never been happier. What used to take hours now just takes 2 minutes. I owe Dr. Physio my marriage.” Sneha had an aha moment. She was looking for answers outside of her when she knew had to take matters into her own hands. Because who could improve perfection? She ordered that massager along with the doctor's chappals.
When the delivery arrived, Sneha waited to open the box with bated breath. She took out the wand-shaped massager from its case and read the manual. She put it on charge and waited for its red light to become dim. The massager had an oval head that bent at the neck while its handle had crisscross markings for better grip. It had a black silicone casing with three small dots on the handle. A power button, a speed button and a vibration button. She then washed it with soap and kept it on her nightstand.
That night, Sneha made special plans for herself. She put on some soothing lo-fi music and turned on the yellow lights in her bedroom. She got a grey and white striped towel and spread it on the floor beside her bed. She took a few pillows and placed them slightly above the towel. She lit a few scented candles near her nightstand that smelled of vanilla, teakwood and blackberries. She undressed in front of the mirror and admired herself. She touched every part of her naked body with her fingertips. She took a fistful of her hair in her hand and bundled them into a bun. She played with her breasts and hugged herself tightly. She took the small pouch of her belly and squeezed it. She gave herself kisses on the mirror, littering it with smudged lip marks. She then made her way to the floor and sat down on the towel. She rested her head on the pillows and adjusted herself in this space, which was between her bed frame and the cupboard.
She grabbed her fully charged doctor massager and was ready to do the deed. She took a good look at it and stroked it gently. She turned the power on and the vibration shook her. She immediately threw it away as if someone had handed her a lizard. She took a look at the massager again and gathered the courage to hold it. This time with more confidence. She took the vibrating massager and placed it on her neck. It felt amusing as well as relaxing. She gently made it down her breasts and placed it on her nipples. It was exhilarating. With the friction of the silicone and her dry skin, she twisted the vibrator and it made her body jerk in pleasure. She took the massager and placed it on her tongue to lick it all over. The vibration on her tongue made her feel tingly. She then moved it across her navel and then her thighs. She gave her knees a little massage as well. She then slathered the massager with more spit and placed it on her inner thighs with more force. Her vagina shivered at the upcoming sensation. She could feel a pulsing heartbeat at the bottom of her labia and the wetness was driving her crazy.
And then it happened. She placed the head directly on top of her clitoris. It was as if someone had snatched her soul from her body and directly placed it above her. She could feel her muscles contracting and losing control all at the same time. She didn’t move the massager in any direction or change the speed or vibrating settings but whatever was happening, was out of this world. Her eyes rolled back into her skull, her mouth agape and her legs spread out more and more to touch the furniture on each side. Their resistance holding her together somehow. Her pelvis and neck bucked back and forth and her breathing became laboured. It was as if every nerve of her body was on fire and she felt alive. It had only been a minute or two and Sneha felt this strong urge to pee. The release she was hoping for finally arrived in long squirts of water that didn’t look or smell like urine. They smelled like sex and she was consumed. Her arched back settled down and she put the massager to her side. She tried to gather herself and make sense of what just happened. The towel was soaked and her ass felt wet. This was beyond her wildest imagination and this doctor had answered all her prayers. She just wanted more and more of this new sensation.
She took the massager again and this time placed it directly on the clitoris with force. She realized she needed extreme pressure on the small bundle of a thousand nerve endings. And it was as if a switch was flipped and she was riding the waves again. Her whole body was shivering and riding these transcendent sensations. She placed the wand aside and took two fingers and licked them before putting them inside her vulva. She waited for a while, helping her cervix relax with a few deep breaths and allowing the space. She had never felt her insides before and she was in love with how they felt. They were like pink velvet curtains with small dots scattered about. She could feel her pelvic bones and also the bone that rested right below the clitoris. With her fingers placed flat and upwards, she started making small “come hither” moments to massage herself from the inside. She then positioned the Dr. Physio on top of her clitoris with another hand. This time the orgasm was even more intense than before. It became impossible to move her fingers as the walls of the vaginas were closing against them at a very fast pace. She was trapped in her pleasure and just gave up control, disappointment, incompetence and sadness. This heady energy was reaching every rivulet in her body and she felt her skull would explode into tiny shards if she continued any longer. But she couldn’t bring herself to stop.
After about eight to ten subsequent orgasms, she was tired and her parts were sore. She switched off her massager and just lay there on the floor. She caught her breath and tried to take stock of the situation. Half the night had passed. She had squirted more than the towel could hold and she would need a bucket to clean it all out. She caught herself getting distracted by the logistics instead of just being in the moment and the satisfaction that had washed over her. This doctor was a medicine that had healing powers and was no placebo either. She didn’t have to leave any more frustrated boners in her wake. She wouldn’t have to lament men’s inability to satisfy women. She didn’t have to worry about the orgasm gap anymore as she was now empowered to give herself whatever she desired. What she kept wanting from others was in her own hands this entire time. She was speechless. She just lay there for hours as she was spent. She didn’t have the energy to get up and walk. She fell in love with herself and the mess she had created. She didn’t sleep the whole night. Until her breathing became more relaxed and she found herself lulling into a peaceful and deep sleep.
The next morning, she woke up and cleaned the whole room. When the maid arrived, she could sense something different in the air. Colour returned to Sneha’s cheeks and she seemed more agreeable. There was a smile on her face instead of a scowl. Her shoulders were drooping and more relaxed. It seemed that Sneha has changed and shapeshifted overnight. She had found the missing piece of the puzzle and she was at peace. Her friends noticed her easy-going demeanour at another one of those brunches and tried to investigate the reason. “Tell us! who are you dating? Who is he? Who has got you so happy and cheerful?” they would ask.
She would just smile and say she is seeing a doctor with a private practice.
Disclaimer for Men: Please don’t text me anything about this story. Conversations around sex are extremely awkward and uncomfortable for me so please refrain.
